I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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