amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
