I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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