I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
