My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
