i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
