What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
