someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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