yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
