i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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