I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
