Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
