I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
