Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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