1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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