I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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