I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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