Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
