I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i dont even know how to be here
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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