she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
