once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
