Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize