it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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