Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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