Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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