so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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