let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize