dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
