I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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