Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
