brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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