we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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