Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
