So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
