So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
