I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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