just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
