I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
