She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
