I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I can text with my tongue
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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