i just google imaged poop.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
