White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
