hell yes lets make some ravioli
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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