Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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