So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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