WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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