We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
