You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
