need another drink. this is the easiest way
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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