She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
