I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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