Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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