I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize