How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
