just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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