just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
FUCK WHALES
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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