Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
