hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
