Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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