y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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