guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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