Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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