I need help removing her.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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