well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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