if i can run in heels then i can drive
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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