We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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